"Even 'constructive criticism' is usually received with defensiveness. That's why Denver psychologist Susan Heitler, author of From Conflict to Resolution, recommends feedback that 'skips the complaining and goes straight to the explaining.
..."For
parents, the same approach applies to homework and chores. Choose
encouraging statements over a stern grilling, Heitler advises, and say
what you would prefer your child to do rather than what she has not done
or has done incorrectly. ('I'd love to see your playroom cleaned up by
this weekend so you and your friends can have fun downstairs,' instead
of 'This place is a mess! What have you been doing? You haven't picked
up one thing. No one is coming over this weekend until this room is
spotless.')
"Criticism is the single most significant
factor in a child's perception of the parental relationship. It's
important to criticize without demeaning or humiliating." - Mary Loftus
in March/April 2013 Psychology Today
Most of us
cannot take 'constructive criticism' because it usually doesn't feel
that is coming from someone who cares about us, just caring about what
we do. It is important to learn to reframe our thinking not about
shaming or humiliating for performance but to encourage.
Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT is a counselor in Colorado. She can be reached for appointments at 303-257-7623 or 970-324-6928
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