"In business and in life, executing the three types of necessary endings...is what characterizes people who get results. (1) If an initiative is siphoning off resources that could go to something with more promise, it is pruned. (2) If an endeavor is sick and is not going to get well, it is pruned. (3) If it's clear that something is already dead, it is pruned. This is the threefold formula for doing well in almost every arena of life.
"The areas of your business and life that require your limited resources--your time, energy, talent, emotions, money--but are not achieving the vision you have for them should be pruned. Just like an unpruned rosebush, your endeavors will be merely average without pruning. And here is the key point: by average. I don't mean on an absolute basis. There is nothing wrong with being in the middle of the bell curve in many aspects of life, as that may be what success is for that person or at least that dimension of life. I have friends who own small businesses of less than average size in their industry or by other measurements, yet they have a fully maximized, thriving enterprise for what it is and is supposed to be. Hundreds of employees and tens of millions of dollars is a great rose of a business and a life for what their talents, dreams, and opportunities consist of. Not the size of Microsoft perhaps, but they have achieved fullness of maturity for their company and/or life. Alive and thriving to the max. But without pruning, they would not have gotten there. And by the same token, if Microsoft or a much bigger company with tens of billions in revenues is not pruning, just because they are large, they can still be "average" relative to their own potential. They can truly be lagging behind where they should be.
"So the question is more about this: are you only achieving average results in relation to where you or your business or team is supposed to be? In other words, giving your abilities, resources, opportunities, etc., are you reaching your full potential, or are you drifting toward a middle that is lower than where you should be if you were getting the most from who you are and what you have? When pruning is not happening, average or worse will occur.
"Too often, as bad as the results of not pruning can be, we still persist in avoiding it because it involves fear, pain, and conflict. Yet in order to succeed, we must prune. How does that make you feel? Conflicted? Welcome to the inner turmoil of necessary endings." - Dr. Henry Cloud in Necessary Endings
We have to get rid of the things things that hold us back from being the best person we can be. Not to be average or mediocre but to reach our full potential. How exciting is that. To have the healthy relationships, to be in or working towards a fulfilling career or life, these are worthwhile potentials.
Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT is a counselor in Colorado. She can be reached for appointments at 303-257-7623 or 970-324-6928
Showing posts with label endings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label endings. Show all posts
Saturday, July 20, 2013
Thursday, July 18, 2013
Leaders unable to end
"Leaders are people, and people have issues that get in the way of
the best-made ideas, and realities. And when it comes to endings, there
is no shortage of issues that keep people stuck.
"Somewhere along the line, we have not been equipped with the discernment, courage, and skills needed to initiate, follow through, and complete these necessary endings. We are not prepared to go where we need to go. So we do not clearly see the need to end something, or we maintain false hope, or we just are not able to do it. As a result, we stay stuck in what should now be in our past. And these abilities are not only lacking in the world of business. They appear in the personal side of life as well.
"Think of the now ubiquitous "failure of launch" syndrome of those twenty- or thirty- somethings still living with their parents. They cannot end childhood and fully enter adulthood. But the bigger issue is often the parents' inability to end the patter and stop the toxic dependency by pushing the grown "kid" out of the nest. They refuse to end their "helping" role, which is not a fact helping. Another tragic example is the inability of many women to walk out the door when they are being abused. Fears and vulnerabilities keep them stuck in devastating patterns that ought to end. Likewise, in the world of work, because of security fears, some cannot have jobs that are keeping them stuck and unfulfilled. In sum, we are not prepared or equipped to take the next step, the one we really need to take.
And it is not only the endings that we must proactively execute that are problematic. There are also the endings that are forced upon us, endings we do not choose but that we cannot work through very well either. As a result, we remain in pain or stuck, unable to pursue a new phase in life. These endings include divorce, being fired or laid off, death of a loved one, disintegration of a friendship, chronic illness, and so on. We do not choose these endings; they are thrust upon us by people we have trusted or sometimes by truly horrible events in life. If we are not prepared or have had too many losses before, these endings can render us broken, depressed, and floundering, sometimes for years.
"We we fail to end things well, we are destined to repeat the mistakes that keep us from moving on. We chose the same kind of dysfunctional person or demoralizing job again. Not learning our lessons and proactively dealing with them, we make the same business or personal mistakes over and over. Learning how to do an ending well and how to metabolize the experience allows us to move beyond patterns of behavior that may have tripped us up in the past. We do not have to keep repeating the same patterns." Dr. Henry Cloud in Necessary Endings.
The inability to end a necessary stop of a toxic relationship, of business plan no longer profitable, or any other unhealthy situation is detrimental to our businesses and our lives. Staying stuck may feel secure to some extent but it is a hindrance to our lives.
Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT is a counselor in Colorado. She can be reached for appointments at 303-257-7623 or 970-324-6928
"Somewhere along the line, we have not been equipped with the discernment, courage, and skills needed to initiate, follow through, and complete these necessary endings. We are not prepared to go where we need to go. So we do not clearly see the need to end something, or we maintain false hope, or we just are not able to do it. As a result, we stay stuck in what should now be in our past. And these abilities are not only lacking in the world of business. They appear in the personal side of life as well.
"Think of the now ubiquitous "failure of launch" syndrome of those twenty- or thirty- somethings still living with their parents. They cannot end childhood and fully enter adulthood. But the bigger issue is often the parents' inability to end the patter and stop the toxic dependency by pushing the grown "kid" out of the nest. They refuse to end their "helping" role, which is not a fact helping. Another tragic example is the inability of many women to walk out the door when they are being abused. Fears and vulnerabilities keep them stuck in devastating patterns that ought to end. Likewise, in the world of work, because of security fears, some cannot have jobs that are keeping them stuck and unfulfilled. In sum, we are not prepared or equipped to take the next step, the one we really need to take.
And it is not only the endings that we must proactively execute that are problematic. There are also the endings that are forced upon us, endings we do not choose but that we cannot work through very well either. As a result, we remain in pain or stuck, unable to pursue a new phase in life. These endings include divorce, being fired or laid off, death of a loved one, disintegration of a friendship, chronic illness, and so on. We do not choose these endings; they are thrust upon us by people we have trusted or sometimes by truly horrible events in life. If we are not prepared or have had too many losses before, these endings can render us broken, depressed, and floundering, sometimes for years.
"We we fail to end things well, we are destined to repeat the mistakes that keep us from moving on. We chose the same kind of dysfunctional person or demoralizing job again. Not learning our lessons and proactively dealing with them, we make the same business or personal mistakes over and over. Learning how to do an ending well and how to metabolize the experience allows us to move beyond patterns of behavior that may have tripped us up in the past. We do not have to keep repeating the same patterns." Dr. Henry Cloud in Necessary Endings.
The inability to end a necessary stop of a toxic relationship, of business plan no longer profitable, or any other unhealthy situation is detrimental to our businesses and our lives. Staying stuck may feel secure to some extent but it is a hindrance to our lives.
Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT is a counselor in Colorado. She can be reached for appointments at 303-257-7623 or 970-324-6928
Thursday, June 20, 2013
Avoding endings
"Endings are necessary, but the truth is that we often do not do them
well. Although we need them for good results to happen in life and for
bad situations to be resolved, the reality is that most of us humans
often avoid them or botch them.
Above are many reasons that we avoid ending things that we should end. We tend to avoid pain rather than do the healthy ending. And many times it just prolongs the inevitable.
Some of us end things too quickly rather than seeing them through. The wisdom is to know the difference of what to end and what not to end. Neither are easy decisions to make.
Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT is a counselor in Colorado. She can be reached for appointments at 303-257-7623 or 970-324-6928
- We hang on too long when we should end something now.
- We do not know if an ending is actually necessary, or if 'it' or 'he' is fixable.
- We are afraid of the unknown.
- We fear confrontation.
- We are afraid of hurting someone.
- We are afraid of letting go and the sadness associated with an ending.
- We do not possess the skills to execute the ending.
- We do not even know the right words to use.
- We have had too many and too painful endings in our personal history, so we avoid another one.
- When they are forced upon us, we do not know how to process them, and we sink or flounder.
- We do not learn from them, so we repeat the same mistakes over and over.
Above are many reasons that we avoid ending things that we should end. We tend to avoid pain rather than do the healthy ending. And many times it just prolongs the inevitable.
Some of us end things too quickly rather than seeing them through. The wisdom is to know the difference of what to end and what not to end. Neither are easy decisions to make.
Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT is a counselor in Colorado. She can be reached for appointments at 303-257-7623 or 970-324-6928
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
A time to end
"Endings are also an important factor in our personal lives. There
are relationships that should go away, practices and phases that must be
relinquished, and life stages that should come to an end to open up the
space for the next time. A breakup, an ending of some friendships or
activities, or an unplugging from some commitments often signals the
beginning of a whole new life. It is a necessary step I refer to as
pruning....
"Some endings are not a next natural step but are just as necessary. We wish they weren't, but they are. They come about not in pursuit of growth to the next level, but because something has gone wrong. It's been said that some things die and some things need to be killed.
"In a personal realm, we can get stuck in situations or relationships that are hurtful, problematic, or toxic and must be ended. Or sometimes it is not relationships we need to end but behaviors--destructive patterns and practices that hold us back. In many contexts, until we let go of what is not good, we will never find something that is good. The lesson: good cannot begin until bad ends.
"In both normal life and life gone wrong, endings are a necessity. As the Byrds reminding us in their Sixties song 'Turn, Turn, Turn,' there is a season for everything. Taken from Ecclesiastes,m the message is that there is a season for things to begin and a season for them to end, and that's how life works. Perhaps you have heard or read this famous passage many times, but take another look and focus your attention on the prevalent role of endings throughout:
"'There is a time for everything, a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and time for peace.'
"Endings are not only part of life, they are a requirement for living and thriving, professionally and personally. Being alive requires that we sometimes kill off things in which we were once invested, uproot what we previously nurtured, and tear down what we built for an earlier time. Refraining, giving up, throwing away, tearing down, heating what we once cherished--all are necessary. Endings are the reason you are not married to your prom date nor still working in your first job. But without the ability to do endings well, we flounder, stay stuck, and fail to reach our goals and dreams. Or worse we remain in painful and sometimes destructive situations. Endings are crucial, but we rarely like them. Hence the problem." - Dr. Henry Cloud in Necessary Endings.
A time to end. Endings are necessary at times. The above song by the Byrds is about how life works as confusing as it sometimes is.
Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT is a counselor in Colorado. She can be reached for appointments at 303-257-7623 or 970-324-6928
"Some endings are not a next natural step but are just as necessary. We wish they weren't, but they are. They come about not in pursuit of growth to the next level, but because something has gone wrong. It's been said that some things die and some things need to be killed.
"In a personal realm, we can get stuck in situations or relationships that are hurtful, problematic, or toxic and must be ended. Or sometimes it is not relationships we need to end but behaviors--destructive patterns and practices that hold us back. In many contexts, until we let go of what is not good, we will never find something that is good. The lesson: good cannot begin until bad ends.
"In both normal life and life gone wrong, endings are a necessity. As the Byrds reminding us in their Sixties song 'Turn, Turn, Turn,' there is a season for everything. Taken from Ecclesiastes,m the message is that there is a season for things to begin and a season for them to end, and that's how life works. Perhaps you have heard or read this famous passage many times, but take another look and focus your attention on the prevalent role of endings throughout:
"'There is a time for everything, a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and time for peace.'
"Endings are not only part of life, they are a requirement for living and thriving, professionally and personally. Being alive requires that we sometimes kill off things in which we were once invested, uproot what we previously nurtured, and tear down what we built for an earlier time. Refraining, giving up, throwing away, tearing down, heating what we once cherished--all are necessary. Endings are the reason you are not married to your prom date nor still working in your first job. But without the ability to do endings well, we flounder, stay stuck, and fail to reach our goals and dreams. Or worse we remain in painful and sometimes destructive situations. Endings are crucial, but we rarely like them. Hence the problem." - Dr. Henry Cloud in Necessary Endings.
A time to end. Endings are necessary at times. The above song by the Byrds is about how life works as confusing as it sometimes is.
Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT is a counselor in Colorado. She can be reached for appointments at 303-257-7623 or 970-324-6928
Monday, June 17, 2013
Endings are natural
"Today may be the enemy of your tomorrow.
"In your business and perhaps your life, the tomorrow that you desire and envision may never come to pass if you do not end some things you are doing today. For some people, that is clear and easy to execute. They end the things that are holding them back. For others it is more difficult....
"Endings are a natural part of the universe, and your life and business must face them, stagnate, or die. They are an inherent reality.... There are different kinds of endings and that learning how to tell one form the other will ensure some successes and prevent many failures and much misery, ending substantial pain and turmoil that you or your business may now be encountering." Dr. Henry Cloud in Necessary Endings
Most endings are hard to do, hard to walk through and seem not necessary. However, when we hold on to the situations, people or things when we need to let go of them we can then experience new growth.
Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT is a counselor in Colorado. She can be reached for appointments at 303-257-7623 or 970-324-6928
"In your business and perhaps your life, the tomorrow that you desire and envision may never come to pass if you do not end some things you are doing today. For some people, that is clear and easy to execute. They end the things that are holding them back. For others it is more difficult....
"Endings are a natural part of the universe, and your life and business must face them, stagnate, or die. They are an inherent reality.... There are different kinds of endings and that learning how to tell one form the other will ensure some successes and prevent many failures and much misery, ending substantial pain and turmoil that you or your business may now be encountering." Dr. Henry Cloud in Necessary Endings
Most endings are hard to do, hard to walk through and seem not necessary. However, when we hold on to the situations, people or things when we need to let go of them we can then experience new growth.
Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT is a counselor in Colorado. She can be reached for appointments at 303-257-7623 or 970-324-6928
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