Praising

“Kind words can be powerful motivators–but only if you praise the right things.  Praising someone’s ability to work hard is more effective than gushing about how brilliant she is.  Research shows that kids who are praised for their intelligence do not try as hard on future tasks.  Praising smarts breeds the belief that things should come naturally–and when they don’t, kids thing they are no longer bright.  Or they choose unchallenging paths so as not to be exposed as ‘frauds.’

“‘Being praised for effort or other aspects of performance directly under your control leads to resilience, while being praised for being smart or for other innate abilities can lead to feelings of helplessness or self-doubt when a set back occurs,’ says psychologist Heidi Grant Halvorson, associate director of the Motivation Science Center at Columbia University.  The ideal is to help someone think positively but realistically about achieving goals while praising their hard work.  When praised for persistence, those who think the path ahead will be difficult invest more effort.

“How praise is delivered counts as much as what gets praised.  Praise should be specific and sincere–and given generously especially at the office.  Workers asked to learn a task performed better at the end of the first day, report Japanese researchers.  To the brain, receiving a compliment is as much a social reward as being given money.” – Mary Loftus in March/April 2013 Psychology Today

It does matter how we give praise.  We need to tell those that do well what they do well in not just a general, blanket statement.

Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT is a counselor in Colorado.  She can be reached for appointments at 303-257-7623 or 970-324-6928