Adult Attachment

"We now understand the role of secure attachments in the promotion of mature development, self-confidence, and autonomy (Feeney, 2007), the origin and the impact of insecure attachment orientations, and the importance of both to intimate partnerships.  And we now know that the lack of secure attachment bonds early in life does not condemn one to a lifetime of unhappy relationships (Byng-Hall 1999); it is possible to earn security over time via new, reparative relationships (Main, 2003).
..."The psychobiological model, developed by Stan Tatkin, is rooted in the perception introduced by Marion Solomon 15 years ago (Lean on Me: The Power of Positive Dependence in Intimate Relationships) that each partner in an adult primary attachment relationship must learn to be the other's secure base (Solomon, 1984, 1994).
..."insecure attachment patterns evident even in the glow of new relationship can turn love into war.  Key moments of emotional connection spark negative cycles that can take over the partners' behavior and communication." - Marion Soloman and Stan Tatkin in Love and War in Intimate Relationships

There is hope for couples that are seemingly always at war and for those who have had rough relationships.  This is not an easy process.  Becoming a secure base for each other takes concerted effort.

Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT is a counselor in Colorado.  She can be reached for appointments at 303-257-7623 or 970-324-6928